Growing into the silence

I have been following along with Ruthie Annie's blog, after having randomly stumbled upon it a few weeks ago. Her blog struck a chord with me as she does a lot of soul searching and exploring of what it means to be a Quaker and how we all fit into this universe and if there is rhyme or reason or a plan...or not. Sometimes I wonder why certain people, thoughts or things pop into my life at certain times to bring relevance and new meaning. Reading her blog, and the various responses other people have made to her blog, has had an interesting repercussive effect on my own life. It has allowed me to express my own thoughts about certain aspects of what I believe. I am finding that blogging, reading others, and writing mine, is proving to be a very viable means of self study and contemplation. It is giving me a new voice to express myself (beyond my normal visual outlets) regarding the commenting upon all things mundane and small, to the greater exploration of what I believe and how I approach the world.

This morning I visited her blog and left a comment. I returned later to capture the comment that I had left and put it on a sticky post it on my hard drive, because I wanted to remember it for later. Then, as I was sitting down to read my email I decided that I would make a blog of it because, well, that is what I do now! Here is what I wrote to Ruthie, early this morning when I woke up at 5am on a Saturday. Why is it that on the weekends when I can finally sleep in some, I wake up before the crack of dawn...well, I had some alone time, and I wanted to write a note to Ruthie (and then I went back to bed of course!)

Hi Ruthie, I am enjoying reading your blog and following along in your journey. It is a journey for all of us, knowing what to believe... My family has Quaker roots that go way back...my mother's side of the family can trace it's Quaker roots back to England. She was raised in New Jersey, in a "traditional" silent meeting for worship, and went to meeting in an old meeting house. My father was raised in Indianopolis, in a "newer" less traditional Quaker meeting that had a minister, and was more "talkative" and organized. I was raised in a more informal meeting, basically silent, some talking, but loosely structured and normally our meetings were held in a small chapel at the college where my dad taught or in someone's living room. The mom's conducted Sunday school for the kids, and aside from art projects and learning about Quakerism we would often take long walks in the woods and see God's touches in the world around us. We would see his kiss on a milkweed pod, or hear his sound in the call of a morning dove. And as kids, we learned to sit together and gradually grow into the silence.

I married a man who was raised as a Catholic but rejects the Catholic faith. He was the first person, that when I met him, knew what Quakerism was about and felt comfortable with the Quaker ways of meditiation and approach to God. It was so nice that I didn't have to explain it to him. He got it right away. I think that is what drew me to him in the first place!

Today, while I don't attend a "formal" meeting for Quaker worship, I don't consider myself a "lapsed" Quaker, while my husband does consider himself a lapsed Catholic...or one who has rejected that faith all together. I guess, despite not attending "church" on a regular basis, I feel that I practice it every day in my every day life. My meeting can be sitting in the steam room after a workout and collecting & quieting my thoughts. It can be isolated moments when I am working in the garden, where I am touching the earth and pulling weeds, and my thoughts turn inward and I feel connected to the tangible world, and I feel the life force that binds us together. Or, sometimes it is just walking and seeing the golden light animate the leaves of a tree. That is when I truly feel spiritual. The beauty humbles me and in the silence my thoughts find God. So, I don't think you find God necessarily just sitting in silence, it is a practice that you take into the world and allows you to view it through new eyes.