The Next Survivor Series

I felt compelled to post the following on my blog. In fact, I received it from a friend of mine that lives in Boulder Colorado just the other day. It is probably going around the internet already, and it may already be old news. At first, I thought it was pretty funny. But, I have to admit, as the day wore on, and after I had sent it on to a bunch of my girlfriends who I thought would find it hilarous, the more I thought about it, the more depressed I became. Sigh. I sent it to my husband whose only response was a single worded email "Ouch!". But, I did notice that he took a decidely more active role in doing the laundry last night!

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THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

Each dad will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches. Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker, and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, backaches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in their purse. They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes. A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each dad will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better. They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to "You're not the boss of me."

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with this spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called Mom!

Friday the 17th

Did you know that in Italy Friday the 17th is considered unlucky? Well, it is...kind of like Friday the 13th for many Americans. I was out to lunch yesterday with some Italian girl friends when they brought this up. One of my friends scoffed at this but then proceeded to tell me how just that morning a little boy in her son's classroom had fallen and split his lip open. Spooky! As we ate lunch at a new pizza place that had just opened up near us, the skies began to darken. Ominous! By the time we walked out of the restaurant it was drizzling and by the time we got in our cars to drive off to pick up our children from school the drizzle had turned into rain. Inconvenient! As I was nearing home, the rain had stopped. But, as I looked up at the hill behind our house I was dumbfounded. There was snow covering the top of Mission Peak. Shock! And after I had just been telling everyone how warm and sunny California was in January and February...it goes and snows in practically in my very own backyard! I am starting to believe in the power of supersition. Friday the 17th OR Friday the 13th, I can take my pick...but now I have two spooky dates to beware of!!!!

What I am watching on TV lately

Well, of course I am in love with "Grey's Anatomy". That goest without saying. How great it is when Sunday rolls around, and I suddenly remember on my way home from the gym or from some inane weekend errand that the show will be on later in the evening. I have to say that I get a kick out of Sandra Oh's character. She is a hoot. And, darn it if I don't cry at the end of every episode. I love a good show that makes you cry.

Then of course there is "Invasion". Once again, my middle of the week is brightened when I suddenly remember around 6pm, about the time I am desperately scrounging through the refrigerator trying to come up with a dinner plan, that another piece of the alien drama unfolding in the Florida keys will be revealed. In fact, it starts just one hour from now...so I'd better hurry up with this blog! How great was it last week when the semi-transformed alien showed up bouncing around featuring just the head of Dave and a tadpole body. Simply great.

And then, I hate to admit it, but yes, I have formed a disgusting fascination for "The Bachelor in Paris". Yes, ugh! I turn on the show every Monday night and watch desperate women throw themselves at what they perceive is the love of their lives, the love that they just met under contrived and scripted circumstances. And yet I continue to watch this perverse human drama, knowing full well that nothing will ever come of these couples and the whole thing is simply ridiculous. I like to watch I guess so I can roll my eyes and be disgusted and feel so much better about my self! Yes that's it...or is it the cat fights and the fabulous locations...they did venture over to Venice last week...Yes, that must be it! Okay so what are you guys watching?

What's up with me lately

It's Valentine's Day. We ate a big fat chocolate cake for dinner. Well, okay for dessert, but really that was the most spectacular part of the meal. Our family was slightly diminished tonight. My husband and oldest son left for New York this morning. My husband is overseeing the taping of radio ad spots for YoCrunch Yogurt this week and thought my eldest son would benefit from the experience. We all read the scripts for the humourous ads that the New York agency wrote and we listened to the audition tapes for the actors and each of us put in our two cents about which voices we preferred. Seeing all the pieces coming together in the final taping will be a lot of fun for Ryan. Who knows, maybe he has a future in advertising.

Meanwhile I stay back home and keep the home fires burning, working away on the YoCrunch website and websites for a bunch of other new clients. We had a momentary crisis the other day when someone, namely my husband! left the back gate open and the dog cruised out into the big bad world. A neighbor knocked on our door to alert us to the fact that she had seen our dog running down the street. Long story short, Sinbad was found several blocks away from the house. Quite a big scare for the whole family and we are thankful that Sinbad is back home safe and sound. I am keeping a more watchful eye on the back gate these days.

I was asked to join a bookclub and had my first meeting last Thursday night. It is an interesting group of women comprised of friends who are Italian, English, Argentinian and American. We discussed a book about life in the south during the depression. Interesting discussion from the point of view of non natives. Next month we are discussing "Wisdom's Daughter" by India Edghill a story about Solomon and Sheba. Stay tuned to see if I like the book. What I am really into these days are a series of Italian comic books called "Dylan Dog". Kind of weird and scary story lines about a guy who investigates surreal and bizzare phenomenon. But, I find that the I get a kick out of reading the Italian and think it helps with grammar and vocab.

My son has a new best friend named Tiko. Tiko has bright red hair and it turns out his family is from Denmark and recently moved into the neighborhood. The two are inseparable and play with their remote controlled rebound super bikes for hours in the driveway. Just saying "rebound super bike" makes me laugh out loud. It literally bounces of walls and continues to motor on. We went to see the Pink Panther last weekend. Kyle, a fervent watcher of commercials (well maybe he is the one that will really have a future in advertising!), was counting down the days until the film was released. It was fun, but I have to admit that I think I liked the opening cartoon during the credits the best of all.

My husband gave me a big bunch of flowers and chocolates for Valentines Day. That and a massage at the gym where we work out. Who could ask for a better present than a massage...working out those knots and kinks in your neck is the perfect way to say "I love you!"