Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Next Survivor Series

I felt compelled to post the following on my blog. In fact, I received it from a friend of mine that lives in Boulder Colorado just the other day. It is probably going around the internet already, and it may already be old news. At first, I thought it was pretty funny. But, I have to admit, as the day wore on, and after I had sent it on to a bunch of my girlfriends who I thought would find it hilarous, the more I thought about it, the more depressed I became. Sigh. I sent it to my husband whose only response was a single worded email "Ouch!". But, I did notice that he took a decidely more active role in doing the laundry last night!

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THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of "pretend" bills with not enough money. In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they're about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

Each dad will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons. The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches. Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker, and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, backaches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in their purse. They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes. A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each dad will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better. They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to "You're not the boss of me."

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with this spouse at a moment's notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years...eventually earning the right to be called Mom!

3 Comments:

At Friday, February 24, 2006, Blogger Mindy said...

That was hilarious! And probably like most mothers, even after reading my job description, I still wouldn't trade the job for anything in the world.

And by the way, what is the loving and age appropriate reply to "You're not the boss of me"????? My standby reply is "You wanna bet?" :-)

 
At Wednesday, March 15, 2006, Blogger Fatcat said...

LoL!

 
At Friday, March 24, 2006, Blogger compassioNAT said...

Hey Melissa,

enjoyed this post...yes, we hear you all Mothers of the World.

I noticed you have not blogged in the longest time! Come on back soon ok!

Cheers,
Natalie

 

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